Seven years, some of the aforementioned hard work, and two handsome little boys later, we’re still together – so we’re doing alright. Seven years may not seem like a long time to be married, but in today’s climate it may as well be our 50th anniversary. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but people really don’t seem to be staying married anymore. As a matter of fact, most people are deciding not to get married at all.
For the first time in Canadian history, there are more unmarried people in this country over the age of 16 than there are married people. Of those that are married for the first time, it’s estimated that 40% of those will eventually end in divorce. That’s a whole lot of people with future profiles on the Plenty of Fish dating website.
Since my wedding seven years ago, I personally know of no less than two dozen marriages that have ended. Duration of matrimony ranged anywhere from thirty five years to three days and reasons ranged anywhere from infidelity to “it was just a bad idea.” Divorce wasn’t something you heard a whole lot about when I was a kid, but it seems like today it’s as common as grabbing a burger and fries at a drive-thru. If you can believe it, I actually know people who got engaged with the idea in their mind that it would eventually end in divorce; but getting married just seemed like the “right thing to do” because they had been dating so long. My trip to Cape Breton this month includes a stop at a wedding for a girl who is on her third marriage, and she’s not even 30 years old yet. I hope she’s not offended that I’m not bringing her a toaster this time.
Everyone’s got an opinion on why marriages don’t last now. I have heard a lot of people say that there’s no romance anymore, and that’s why people can’t stay married. Romantic love has been shown, chemically, to be no different to your brain than consuming mass quantities of chocolate. Sonnets and fields of daisies may get you a mate in the first place, but when you’re planning on waking up to that same person and their morning breath every day for years, it’s going to take more than Haiku and flowers to get you through it.
Others say that we live in a culture where when we want something, we get it instantly. After we get it, if it breaks down we replace it instead of fixing it in most cases. In a society where we just throw stuff away and get a new one when we have problems with it, why would we ever treat our relationships any different? Everything in this world is disposable now, why not your mate?
So, why do people even bother getting married now? It’s clearly not the ‘cool’ thing to do and more and more people seem to be opting out of the institution. Frankly, it seems like more people are concerning themselves with preventing other people from getting married that they are in entering into a marriage of their own. They’re not interested in wearing a wedding band, but they’ll be damned if a homosexual couple wants to buy some matching rings and say their “I do’s.”
I can’t answer the question as to why everyone else gets married, but I can certainly tell you why I did. Ten years ago, I was lucky enough to find a fantastic woman who wanted the same things I did from life – but who was perfectly content in letting me be who I was on our way to get all those things. She understood that you can’t change a person, and was perfectly content in letting me continue to be my incredibly flawed self while quietly helping me develop the parts of myself that I wanted to change.
I wanted nothing more in this life than to be a Dad, and I knew that with my wife’s amazing personality and zest for life that she would be the perfect mother to my kids if I were fortunate enough to have them. A mere five years into her Mommy career, while balancing a demanding full-time job, she has earned herself an unquestioned spot in the Maternal Hall of Fame.
My wife is brilliant, funny, patient, kind and her inherent goodness cancels out some of the boneheaded antics I inject into this world. She is the only person I know that can match my stubbornness and the thought of divorce isn’t even on our radar because I swear we would stick together no matter what – if for no other reason than us refusing to admit failure.
I love her with every fiber of my being – and it’s not just the ‘eating way too much chocolate’ kind; I would gladly take my final breath if it meant that she could go on to live another day.
I know that this column should be used to discuss important events and share my opinion on them, but today there is no more important event for me. It’s the anniversary of the day I completed the other piece of my puzzle and women of the world breathed a sigh of relief that another hopeless galute was taken off the market.
Happy Anniversary, Mrs.
Here’s hoping for a hundred more.
