Boys go to Mars to get more bars...

You may have read an interesting story making the rounds last week about a local man who made it all the way to the final 660 candidates of a purported 200,000 applicants for a one way trip to Mars.

Yes, you read that correctly. They want to send some people to Mars – the planet – with the intention of never bringing them back.

The Mars One mission is the brainchild of Dutch entrepreneur Bas Lansdorp, who came forth with his plan in May of 2012. With a bold mission statement and the hopes of thousands of dreamers behind him, Mr. Lansdorp stated confidently that his goal was to send a group of four people (eventually 24) to Mars in order to colonize the planet by the year 2025.

He claimed that we will all eventually need somewhere to live once we destroy Earth, and he wanted to be the man that made this happen. The problem was that he had no real money to speak of, and he hoped to raise the necessary $6 billion through public donations and corporate sponsorships.

He also announced that he was turning the entire thing into a television reality show.

If your spider sense isn’t tingling right now, it should be – because there’s no possible way this could happen.

In the history of space travel, there have been over 40 unmanned trips to the red planet; half of those trips failed. Those trips had no passengers because the fact of the matter is that Mars is uninhabitable for humans. It has no atmosphere to speak of and is belted constantly by toxic radiation and dust storms that completely block out the sun for months at a time. According to research, the planet is completely barren of any sort of vegetation and is one huge landscape of mountain peaks, ice caps and deserts. Oh, I also need to mention Mars’ normal temperature. It’s a balmy minus 62 degrees Celsius – and you thought Moncton in February was bad.

Finally, and possibly the most damning piece of evidence, is the fact that sending a group of amateur astronauts to Mars for a price tag of $6 billion is ludicrous. That’s hundreds of billions of dollars less than any manned Mars mission ever proposed by NASA – you know, those guys who actually have a history of shooting people into space and not just some internet shyster looking to make his version of Survivor in space. One of my personal heroes, Commander Chris Hadfield, put his opinion into the mix when he was asked how Mars One could be doing this while admitting they haven’t even constructed a ship for the voyage yet. His response was clear and concise:

"If there are no specifications for the craft that will carry the crew, if you don’t know the very dimensions of the capsule they will be traveling in, you can’t begin to select the people who will be living and working inside of it… This is one of many fatal flaws in this entire endeavor."

If you’re not going to take the word of Commander Hadfield, the common sense train has left the station.

So why is this ruse continuing? Sadly, the response is two-fold. The first part of the response is that people will never stop dreaming. People always want to grasp what it just beyond their reach and if it weren’t for the dreamers of the world, we’d be lacking in many of the innovations and much of the progress we enjoy today. Dreamers are great and society needs them to function.

The second part, unfortunately, is that where you have dreamers you also have snake oil salesmen looking to capitalize on them. As of this writing, the Mars One debacle has only raised $760,000 of their $6 billion goal – with over $85,000 of that coming from Canada. Much of that money raised is from the ‘application fee’ (US $75) that everyone interested in taking the suicide mission to the stars had to pay up front to even be considered for the trip. Even though Mars One claims they are a not-for-profit entity, you can bet your bottom dollar that Mr. Lansdorp and his cronies are giving themselves a nice little salary for all their ‘research and development’.

This piece is just the tip of the iceberg, though. If you want an iron-clad thesis as to how and why this endeavor will never work, I encourage you to Google the piece ‘All Dressed Up For Mars with Nowhere to Go’ by Mr. Elmo Keep. It’s a fascinating (albeit lengthy) piece of writing debunking almost every aspect of this publicity stunt and is, unquestionably, the best article of dozens I have read on the subject.

To borrow from David Bowie, the world needs ‘Major Tom’ people; always curious about what lies just outside our stratosphere. The world also needs Ground Control, to bring Major Tom back to Earth; lest he be left floating helplessly in space in his tin can.

What the world doesn’t need is conmen like Bas Lansdorp.

It's A Long Way To The Top... of Magnetic Hill.

The poet John Lydgate and former president Abraham Lincoln both said, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time”.

After this past week, I think both men must have spent some time in Moncton.

In case you missed it this past Wednesday, what could be deemed as a surprise announcement was made in regard to the Magnetic Hill concert site. Many had thought ‘The Hill’ had seen its last kick at the can as far as an entertainment venue goes, including me. Just when we all thought the curtain had come down it was announced that one of the world’s most popular rock bands, AC/DC, is returning to Magnetic Hill on September 5th to dish out their iconic brand of rock and roll to a capacity crowd that will be seeing them for the final time ever on their last world tour.

This is a great news story for the city that has fallen off the radar in recent years when it comes to putting on large scale music spectacles – something we were once renowned for. Over the last few summers, people have talked about large drawing festivals in Quebec and Cavendish, P.E.I. – and even Cape Breton Island hosted their own successful event last year with Aerosmith. We didn’t even hold the title of also-ran, because we stopped running a few years ago it appeared.

When the announcement was made, social media lit up with hundreds of excited tweets and status updates (mine included) and there was electricity in the city in many circles that has been absent for far too long. Like clockwork, though, The Debbie and Dougie Downers had to make their presence known about what they saw to be the biggest travesty in our area’s history.

“AC/DC again? Who wants to see a bunch of old men that have already been here?”
“The ticket prices are ridiculous! I’d rather go to (insert local tavern) to listen to (insert local band)!”
“The city can’t afford this! How much money are we spending on this garbage?”
“Why can’t they bring (insert niche musical act here)? They would draw huge numbers!”

I’m a huge AC/DC fan and have been my entire life. The very first album I owned was ‘Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap’ and I was one of the first people to buy a ticket the first time they hit town back in 2009. I will be front and center again this year and there’s nothing that’s going to rain on my parade when I get to see my favorite band on the planet again. To summarize, I’m pretty freakin’ happy.

The fact of the matter is, though, that I would also be as happy if it were Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga – and I can’t stand those human muppets. I’d be happy because it would – as AC/DC certainly will – bring some much needed tourist dollars into our city and some new feet on the ground taking in the sights and sounds of Moncton. Grumble all you want about “no real way to measure it” when it comes to economic spinoff, but I took an informal poll and it looks like three quarters of Cape Breton Island will be packing up their cars and heading to the Hub City on Labour Day weekend. Half of those people, I believe, expect to be camping on my lawn. Each of those people are going to come with a pocket full of money and they have full intent on spending it while they’re here. Could you tell me how all those people, plus thousands more doing the same thing from all over the Maritimes is a terrible thing again? Last time they were here, AC/DC helped inject an estimated $10 million in revenue into the area. That’s no chump change by any measure, folks. It’s going to happen again.

Just a few months back people were complaining about the Magnetic Hill site not being used for anything – myself included. Now people are complaining that it’s being used for something they don’t necessarily care for. That, folks, is a textbook definition of ‘impossible to please’. I didn’t complain when they brought Nickelback – and they’re terrible. I was happy for the folks who got to enjoy a show in our city and even happier for the local merchants who profited from the sudden influx of people to the area. Right now we should be ecstatic and doing everything we can to make our city even more appealing and making the event as big of a success as one could imagine.

It’s great to have a massive scale show back in the city that has been absent from the concert scene for far too long. Maybe we can shake off the perception that this is the city that music forgot and fill the Hill with 90,000 rock and roll fans on September 5.

To the parties who got this rock and roll train moving again, from those of us about to rock (in seven months) we salute you.

Au revoir, Moncton?

I’m university educated, with two degrees – one in Business Administration with a major in marketing and a minor in advertising.  I have almost two decades of diversified management experience under my belt with letters of recommendation from several prominent industry leaders. My wife is a Human Resources professional with a university degree, a fistful of diverse certifications, and over two decades of experience in the workforce in areas ranging from mediation and arbitration to recruitment and labor force relations.

We have lived in Moncton for over ten years now and have contributed to the economy of the city and the province through our tax dollars. We have also contributed to the community through volunteer and charity work, and would like to think we’ve established a reputation as good citizens, neighbors, and solid people overall who do our fair share to ensure the ongoing success and prosperity of the place where we live.

So, why is it that we have started planning for an exit strategy from the city and province we have grown to call our own in the event that one of us loses our job?  It’s quite simple; we’re skeptical that we would be able to find comparable work in the area anymore because of one simple fact; neither of us is fluent in French.

Now settle down. This isn’t an attempt to rabble rouse or generate ill will. This is someone who made a conscious choice to move here trying to explain to you why I am having a hard time envisioning a future in this place I call my home.

Let me make it clear – I am all for bilingualism. I am all for a culture where people, regardless of the language they speak, should able to receive a service with dignity and in their preferred language – especially crucial services like health care and government offerings.  I support all establishments having some staff that can speak both languages in an effort to make sure everyone gets a fair shake. Heck, I’m envious of my friends who can seamlessly flip from one language to another while I can only stand back and catch every third or fourth word with my limited French knowledge garnered through French telecasts of Montreal Expos games and 11^th grade instruction of the language.

What I don’t support, however, is being made to feel like that I’m not welcome if I don’t parlez en Francais.  I was recently asked if I speak French by a prospective client at work.  When I politely answered that I did not and promptly handed them over to one of my bilingual staff members, they proceeded to carry on the entire conversation in perfect English. As they left my store, they remarked that I shouldn’t hold a position of management if I can’t speak French.  I wish that I could say that this was an isolated incident, but it isn’t.

Can you see how a fellow might feel unwelcome?

I would love to be able to speak a second language. With my nearly 40 year old brain, though, and ever-increasing demands on my time from work and family I wouldn’t say it’s an impossible feat – but it’s pretty darned close. I barely sleep four hours a night as it is – I simply have no more time. In a pinch, I can break out my high school ‘caveman French’ as I like to call it - “Je m’appelle Steve et je suis un garcon” – but I assure you, nobody really wants that. I also know all the lyrics to Mitsou’s 1980’s hit ‘Bye Bye, Mon Cowboy’, but that’s not going to help much either.

I’m just a guy who is trying to earn a living in this beautiful province, and it seems like there’s a bunch of politics and ugly feelings between the Anglophone and Francophone populations threatening to get in the way of that. I wrote about this same subject a couple of years back, but I was a little more diplomatic. Now I’m coming flat out and saying that I feel like there’s a segment of the population that really doesn’t want me or my family– or people like us – around.

It feels terrible.

I would love nothing more than to work and live here until my nine to five days are done.  I would love to retire to a cottage close to the amazing Bouctouche Dunes when my wife and I are old and grey and eat nothing but Acadien chicken fricot for the rest of my life (that stuff is delicious).  The fact is, though, that I won’t stay where there may be no opportunity to provide a good life for my family because of something as superficial as the language I speak.  I have well-educated and experienced Anglophone friends here who can’t find a job making more than minimum wage because they don’t speak two languages.

I won’t allow myself to be put in that position.

French, English, I don’t care what you are. I just want to share this awesome place with you all. It’s been really hard lately, though, and I have some tough decisions to make for myself and the people I care about.

J’adore Nouveau-Brunswick, mais j’adore ma famille en plus. 

The White Walkers Are Coming.

In case you didn’t notice, we got an awful lot of snow over the last week.

You know it’s a serious bit of business when Codiac Transit pulled their bus fleet off the road and Champlain Place decided it was going to shutter up its storefronts before business even got started for the day last Tuesday. The ‘storm of the century’ was a pretty wild and wooly affair and to quote Yukon Cornelius from that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Christmas Special, “It (wasn’t) a fit night out for man or beast!” RCMP urged people to stay off the roads and avoid traveling unless it was completely necessary, so it would have been a perfect time to stay home and enjoy the snow day.

Perfect indeed, unless you’re an employee of an establishment that doesn’t close or someone who thinks it’s necessary to patronize those establishments – regardless of the risk of harm to yourself or the poor folks that are forced to report into work.

We’re not talking life or death situations here, folks. We’re talking people who ‘need’ to be out on the roads to grab a coffee fix, catch the latest Brad Pitt movie, or grab a burger and fries at a local drive-thru.  People who would love nothing more than to be safe at home with their loved ones have to brave the horrible weather to get to destinations that logic would dictate shouldn’t be open in the first place.

Why is this situation the case? It appears it’s because your convenience or need to be entertained is more important than their safety.

What is it that makes people leave the warm confines of their own homes to putter along the snow covered streets of our city when they have absolutely no reason to be out and about? People like hospital staff would probably sacrifice a limb some days to sit at home with their families while a blizzard howls outside their window.  Not the snow nomads, though!  They’re out driving merrily down to the corner store to grab a bag of Doritos or asking some high schooler at the fast food place “enough snow for ya yet?” as though it’s an infinitely clever question that the kid hasn’t heard a dozen times already that day.

Believe me, the people at the businesses that stay open all smile and nod at you when you go and see them in those zero visibility conditions, but the moment you leave they’re all wondering what kind of disorder you suffer from that would compel you to leave your driveway in a blinding snowstorm for something so trivial. I can say this with great certainty because I used to run one of the city’s movie theatres and I would always be floored to see families unloading the minivan – including toddler aged children - in our empty parking lot when we couldn’t even see as far as the bank a few hundred feet away because of the blizzard outside.

“Oh, we just wanted to get out of the house”, they would say. “There’s nothing exciting going on at home!”  You know where there is exciting stuff going on? The emergency room; which is likely filled with people who wrecked their cars because they were out driving in conditions they shouldn’t be.

Here’s a little tip for all you snow nomads: stay home.  When you know a big dump of the white stuff is coming, prepare ahead of time. Get your snacks, pick up a couple of movies, invest in a board game or two, and just plan to spend the day relaxing at home. Your insistence on leaving your home is making businesses force their workers out on treacherous streets to staff their establishments; just in case you wander in on one of your adventures. It’s forcing workers to find child care for their kids because there is no school, instead of spending what is probably some much needed quality time at home with the little guys and gals. The more traffic that’s on the roads, the harder it is for plows to do the job of keeping the streets clean. Emergency responders are busier, accidents are more frequent, and a city that’s not known for having the greatest drivers to begin with suddenly starts to look like a demolition derby.  Are you beginning to see what I’m getting at here?

I understand it’s impossible for everything to shut down because of a foot of snow. There are always services that we’ll need, regardless of how much of the white stuff is falling from the sky and piling up on the ground – and the people who provide those services are infinitely appreciated by everyone.  I guess what I’m saying though is I wish more people would try to take advantage of the few snow days we get every year. 

In a world where we’re always on the go, we should take every chance we can to stop for just a few minutes – and try to make sure that as many other people get the opportunity to do so as well.