As I make myself comfortable in my downstairs recliner for a late-night movie viewing, I hear the familiar thump and pitter patter of feet that signifies that my oldest son has stirred from his sleep. At three years old, he's already developed a pattern of sleepwalking - much like his father.
I listen for him to make a beeline toward our bedroom, but the footsteps slap down the hardwood floor of the hallway and come to an abrupt and jarring stop. I dash upstairs to make sure he hasn't managed to hurt himself in the dimly lit obstacle course that is our house at night, and I see the outline of his little body standing ever so still by the edge of the living room love seat.
I come around the corner and put my arm on his shoulders; careful not to stir him too much in case he's in a deep sleep strolling mood.
"Everything okay, buddy?", I ask him quietly. His eyes dart to my face and struggle to adjust to the lack of light.
"Daddy? I was so sad because nobody was here. My tummy is gurgly."
Tummy gurgliness in my household can be caused by many things. More often than not, it is caused when little boys decide not to eat their supper as protest for not being served something more suited to their discerning palate. This was one of those instances.
"Can I have a snack, Dad?"
Instead of lecturing him on the importance of listening to what his Mommy and Daddy tell him to do regarding all matters of supper time, I picked up the little man and headed toward the kitchen.
"How's some cheese and crackers sound, big guy?"
The nod and gentle tightening of the arms around my neck indicated agreement.
I grabbed a snack pack and freed the crackers from their tiny plastic prison. As I spread the cheese across them with the primitive red stick provided for the task, I took a good look at my boy who sat sleepy-eyed at the table.
My wife and I are the proud parents of two boys, aged three years and two months. Parenthood didn't come easy to us as we suffered through the heartbreak of two miscarried pregnancies. The fact that we have two beautiful children is something we never take for granted, as there was a time where we felt parenthood may be an endeavor we'd never get to undertake.
My wife came from a very nuclear family where Mom and Dad looked after the kids and provided them with all the opportunity the world had to offer. I came from a teenage mother and a father who skipped out before I was even born. I spent a very large part of my childhood trying to convince myself that I was as good as everyone around me, and not doing a very good job for the most part.
It is important to my wife and I that we are great parents to our children.
For me, it's the fear of failing at this task that keeps me up at night.
My children are amazing little people. Their existence has added direction to my life and has seen me finding more love in myself than I ever thought I was capable of possessing. I try very hard to be a positive role model in their lives and my number one priority is producing happy and well adjusted people that will go out and do some good in this world someday.
I only have a few years experience in filling the role of "Dad", and I'm not sure I've quite nailed down the job description as of yet. For as much as I don't know, there's a few things I have figured out.
Being a good father means being honest with your kids. When my son asks me a question, I owe it to him to provide the best answer possible; regardless of how uncomfortable the subject matter may be. It is this rule that enables my son to show his Mom a rudimentary mock-up of a vagina using his hands - complete with "the crack where the pee comes out".
Being a Dad means never undermining your child's feelings when they have something to say that's important to them. If their life hinges on the fact that there's a dump truck in front of you on the highway and they NEED you to know about it right now, listen - and thank them for the heads-up.
Fatherhood is instilling your kids with values and respect for themselves and others. Building self-confidence and pride in them and letting them know that they matter in your world is the best gift you can give a child. You can't go wrong buying them a big radio controlled monster truck too. Kids dig those.
Hug and kiss your kids every chance you get. Don't be afraid to show them affection, and never let a day go by without telling them you love them.
Being a Dad is being the guy they can count on when life gets too difficult for them to handle on their own. Sometimes it's only a Dad who can spread the cheese on the crackers in the midle of the night.
As I tucked my boy back in to bed, he made sure I was paid handsomely for my services by providing a kiss, three hugs and an "I love you, Dad" for good measure. I crept across the hall and crawled into bed next to my wife just in time to hear our littlest son start to stir. With heavy eyes and dragging feet, I shuffled my way to the kitchen to grab baby's late night feeding.
Falling asleep with little one in the rocking chair an hour later, only one thought came to mind:
Only 18 more years of this...
I'd better enjoy every minute.
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