Dressing Down

So, the big news in Moncton last week was about a young girl attending Harrison Trimble High School who took a stand against what she believes is unfair discrimination against females at her school. She wore a dress to class that, allegedly, didn’t fall into the confines of the school’s dress code guidelines and she was given detention because her outfit was seen as “inappropriate” and a “sexual distraction” to young (and oddly, older) males at the school.

The issue has been covered from all sorts of different angles, with the young lady drumming up a lot of support for her fight. My opinion of the issue aside, I believe that this girl is a great representative of what we should want in our young people; someone who stands up for what they believe in and that can do so in a respectful and eloquent manner.  Kudos to you, Miss!

Regardless of how this issue shakes out, it allows me to bring forth an opinion that I have had for several years now that isn’t necessarily a popular one.  I think it’s time to ask why schools – who are obviously concerned (maybe overly so) with dress code – haven’t instituted the policy of school uniforms for their students?  Before you get out the torches and pitchforks and accuse me of trying to take away kids’ individuality, let me explain.

Back when I went to school, as it is today, the way a child dressed was a huge indicator of social status and in many cases it determined which clique you belonged to. You had your ‘preps’, with only the most expensive clothing and top of the line running shoes. Those were the popular kids who ran in all the best circles and their wardrobes certainly indicated it. You had the ‘skids’, whose wardrobes generally consisted of well-worn denim jeans and jackets with their favorite heavy metal band patches on them. Despite some of those kids being the absolute kindest people you would ever meet, they were categorized as lower on the food chain and were somehow looked down upon by the more popular kids. You had your ‘poor kids’ who didn’t have the latest designer brands, the ‘burnouts’ who didn’t care how they dressed, and the ‘nerds’ who couldn’t put together a fashionable outfit to save their lives. All these kids were judged and placed in social circles simply because of their daily attire.  It was foolish then and it’s foolish now.  I say give everyone one uniform to wear and watch how fast those prejudices disappear.

Every year, there are parents who shell out hundreds of dollars to make sure their kids are decked out in new clothes for school so they don’t look like ragamuffins next to some of their peers. I, sadly, am one of those parents. $8 for a polo shirt and $10 for a pair of khakis would be a heck of a lot easier to swallow than $65 for the newest Under Armour hoodie. Imagine how easy it would be to get your kids out the door in the morning as well! No more trying on 10 outfits before they decide on one; Heaven to Moms and Dads.  By the way, the first kid who complains about not be able to ‘express themselves’ through their clothes, I simply point to the lyrics of a song that was popular back in my school days – like the Fresh Prince’s Mom says “You go to school to learn, not for a fashion show.”

Speaking of expression, though, true expression shouldn’t come from the clothes you wear. I’m speaking directly to you, kids. It should come from important things like your creativity, your personality, and what you bring to the table as a human being. Do you want your worth determined by the labels you wear on your clothes or the type of person you are?  Don’t you think it might be easier to form an opinion about someone if you didn’t make a snap judgement about them based on the way they’re dressed? You and I both know the answer to that one.

When it all boils down to it, schools should be institutions of learning where kids are coming together to help one another instead of segregating each other into groups based on a trivial thing like fashion. There are so many problems in this province’s education system, we really shouldn’t be putting the dress someone chooses to wear to school at the forefront of any discussion involving our kids’ educations.

If the schools are going to leave dress code open to interpretation and areas of grey, they shouldn’t be surprised when things like last week’s brouhaha erupt from time to time. I think it’s stupid for schools to tell a young girl that her outfit is sexually distracting, but it’s equally as stupid to assume that kids won’t challenge authority and push the envelope of what is deemed acceptable if the opportunity to do so is available.

Take the distractions away and put everyone in the same uniform. If you give kids less reasons to judge one another, you might be shocked at how well they can get along. Maybe all this time spent arguing about bare shoulders could be better spent actually learning about what’s important? I think we should try the idea on for size.

Everything Your Kids Want To Know About Sex...

Over the last few weeks in Ontario there have been an awful lot of students missing time from school.  They’re not ill and they’re not playing hooky; quite the contrary. They are missing school with the full support of their parents because of the unspeakable situation that has developed with a new part of the Ontario education curriculum.

They’re actually teaching kids about sex.  How terrible.

The new curriculum is moving beyond ‘boys have a penis and girls have a vagina’ and into more topics that are relevant to our culture today like homosexuality, identifying exploitative behaviors, gender identity, and many other subjects that are front and center to this generation. It should come as no surprise to anyone, though, that this is not being well received by many parents who believe that there is no place for this kind of sexual education in the school system.

I wonder if these are the same kinds of parents who would turn the car keys over to an eager 16 year old who hasn’t had one driving lesson. Sending a teenager out into the world without a firm grasp on their sexuality is just like putting an unlicensed driver behind the wheel of a high performance sports car – it’s a disaster just waiting to happen.

For whatever reasons, some people believe that sexual education should consist solely of telling your kids that sex is something they shouldn ‘t do until they’re married. It’s dirty, it’s dangerous, and something you should just completely avoid until you find the man or woman of your dreams and you make time for it every Tuesday in your home with the lights off. That’s all well and good to preach that, but it’s not reality. If you disagree, you obviously don’t remember what it was like to be a teenager.

Around the time of my thirteenth birthday, I became a monster fueled by hormones and constantly distracted by what was happening to my body and mind as it pertained to the ladies. I knew only two things about the opposite sex: I liked girls and I had an overpowering desire to touch one.  Aside from a rudimentary pamphlet with drawings of the reproductive organs that we were given in sixth grade, I didn’t have a clue about sexuality. My only sexual education came from a pile of dirty magazines my friends and I found in the woods and, as you can imagine, our ideas of what sex was all about were hilarious at best and potentially destructive at worst.

The only teacher who had the courage to speak to us frankly about sexuality was my eighth grade health teacher, and he was practically run out of town on a rail. We were a bunch of kids hopped up on hormones with no knowledge of safe sex techniques or sexual health of any type – so it really shouldn’t surprise anyone that our little corner of the world had some of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in Canada. You know it’s bad when they make a movie poking fun at the fact (check out New Waterford Girl for a great piece of Canadiana).  It’s a miracle I wasn’t a father at 16.

That was over 25 years ago, and even though our society is almost unrecognizable from those days, some people’s attitudes toward sex haven’t changed one iota. There are cultural and religious factors at play in why some parents don’t want their kids learning about sex, and there are some parents who just don’t know how to or can’t be bothered to talk to their kids about it. Instead of arming them with the knowledge they need to navigate the sticky world of sexuality, abstinence is promoted and sexual shaming is used as a weapon to try and make sure that our kids are ignoring every cue their bodies are screaming at them.  Good luck with that approach, folks.

My boys are seven and three, and we have been teaching them about sexuality from the moment they have been able to start questioning about it. They know all the proper terms for their parts, they know where babies come from, and they know that not all boys like girls and not all girls like boys. It’s a pretty good starter kit, we think, but it’s the kind of information that many Ontario parents think should be strictly off limits. Knowledge is power, and some are rendering Ontario children impotent to deal with the issue of their sexuality.

Luckily, many parents are showing support for the initiative and other provinces, for the most part, are worlds ahead of Ontario as far as what they’re teaching in school curriculums about sex education. The fact is, though, that parents should be the prime educators of their children – not just in sex ed, but everything under the sun. It saddens me that the parents who are keeping their children home from school because of sexual education classes are sending a very dangerous message about how they want their children to go forth in the world.

“You are not to learn about anything I don’t agree with!”

Those parents don’t want vibrant, independent thinkers. They want smaller versions of themselves that will continue with their lives; regurgitating the same outdated ideas and principles of their parents.  That’s just what we want – another generation of people screwing things up like we did.

The birds and the bees won’t bring down modern civilization. It’s about time we brought all our kids into the loop, before we have a whole bunch of extra kids to deal with.

The Cream Of The Crop?

Like most people, I had dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Unlike most people, I wanted to be a professional wrestler.

As a kid, my life was completely consumed by the giants of the squared circle and the never-ending pageantry that unfolded on my television screen courtesy of the stars of Atlantic Grand Prix Wrestling and the World Wrestling Federation.  I ate, breathed and slept pro wrestling to the point that it was all I talked about.  Despite the taunts of people who thought my obsession to be silly, it couldn’t have been more real to me.

As life caught up with me, as well as my genetics and a knowledge of the ‘inner workings’ of pro wrestling, I realized that life inside the ring was never going to be in the cards and I was content with just being a fan – as I remain to this very day. Every once in a while, though, I remember what it was like to be that little kid who wanted nothing more than to be the next Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat or “Nature Boy” Ric Flair.

Maybe that’s why I’m so interested in the unfolding story of local wrestler, Eric Doucet –or as he’s more commonly known to wrestling fans, ‘Markus Burke’. Mr. Doucet may have a very real shot at joining the big leagues of pro wrestling through a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to join the cast of World Wrestling Entertainment’s (formerly the WWF) reality show ‘Tough Enough.’ A groundswell of support for Mr. Doucet has erupted through social media, and it would appear that the WWE has taken notice of Mr. Doucet’s audition video for the show– as evidenced by the fact that it was one of a select few that was shared publicly by the company via their official Twitter account.

The 32 year old Moncton native has been plying his trade on the Atlantic independent wrestling scene for the last ten years. After several identity changes and trying out different personas, he seems to have struck a chord with Maritime wrestling audiences as the maniacal bad guy Vegan grappler, Markus Burke. He struts to the ring, glaring at fans located around ringside while proclaiming his superiority over the assembled audience with his trademark mocking cry of “look at you!”  His swagger is more than backed up with his in-ring performances; having learned his craft at the hands of Emile Dupree, the architect of the legendary Atlantic Grand Prix Wrestling organization

A mainstay of local promotion, Innovative Hybrid Wrestling (next show at the Moncton Lion’s Club on May 2!), Mr. Doucet has all the tools to become the next in a long line of professional wrestlers from New Brunswick. Leo Burke, The Beast, Killer Karl Krupp and wrestler turned Hollywood actor Robert Maillet always come to the minds of wrestling fans whenever New Brunswick’s place in wrestling history is discussed.  We’re not content with past glory, though, and it appears as though supporters of the violent vegan want to make sure another one of our own makes it to the big time.

Within 48 hours of being uploaded to the internet, Mr. Doucet’s audition video for Tough Enough had almost 10,000 viewers. The hashtag #veganistoughenough has gone viral on Twitter and there’s simply no way that the ‘powers that be’ with World Wrestling Entertainment haven’t taken notice.
When asked about this overwhelming tidal wave of support and the very real chance that a lifelong dream could come to fruition, Mr. Doucet had this to say:

“I almost can't explain into words what it would mean for me to get on WWE Tough Enough. At this moment I have my brothers and sisters from The Maritimes behind me and that alone is success in my eyes.”

“We Maritimers don't get a lot of opportunities; we're hard working, good people - but for some reason fame tends to choose the bigger cities. I'm hoping I can start a trend by inspiring hard working Maritime artists and proving they can reach their goals and be successful in their field.”

“Would it mean the world to me? Yes, of course. It's been my dream since I've been 3 years old but when I look at the big picture, having the support of 4 hard-working provinces, it's an accomplishment in itself.”

How can you not support a guy like that?

When so many of us set our dreams aside for more ‘practical’ pursuits and trade a ‘the sky is the limit’ outlook for a 9 to 5 job, Eric Doucet is trying to grab that brass ring that so many of us wish we had the courage to reach for in our lives.  A much younger Steve Malloy will be living vicariously through the efforts of ‘Markus Burke’ over the next couple of months and I wish Eric Doucet nothing but the best in achieving his dream.

If you wish to support Mr. Doucet in his pursuit to make Tough Enough, a Twitter account is all it takes. You can follow him online @veganwrestler and you can send your tweets to @WWE and with the hashtags #Veganistoughenough and #ToughEnough.

So, could it happen? Could one of our own be starring on the globally seen Tough Enough program this June, and could Markus Burke end up being the newest WWE superstar?

In the words of my favorite wrestler of all time, Randy “Macho Man” Savage , “Oooooh yeah!”

Dig it!

Would You Like Cries With That?

In the midst of all the dreadfully serious stories that made their way to the news last week, a little story about a restaurant that’s a 30 minute drive from my hometown on Cape Breton Island was making some waves of its own.

The management of an upscale seafood restaurant in North Sydney – The Lobster Pound - made a post on the Facebook page for the establishment that read:

“Effective as of now, we will no longer allow small screaming children. We are an adult themed restaurant that caters to those who enjoy food and who are out to enjoy themselves. We understand that this may upset some, but after careful consideration, we believe it’s best for those who enjoy, appreciate and understand our business.”

To say that it “upset some” would be the understatement of the year. Social media was on fire with people posting about this restaurant’s unmitigated gall and how they surely were violating some sort of basic human right. People couldn’t believe that a restaurant would commit “professional suicide” like this and alienate what many people presumed is a large section of the restaurant’s clientele. The outrage rose to a fever pitch when someone broke out the “but what if these children have special needs?” card, ignoring the fact that these children may just be unpleasant and quasi-feral little beasts.

Within hours, the restaurant owner took to social media and apologized for the remark – assuring that he was very sorry for his comments, and  that children would continue to be welcome in his establishment. As a parent of two boys, ages seven and three, I’m incredibly disappointed.

I’m not disappointed with the restaurant owner for saying that screaming children were no longer welcome at his adult-oriented establishment; quite the contrary, actually. I believe he was taking a stand for the best interests of his most loyal patrons who like to enjoy a relaxed, sit-down meal without having someone’s beautiful and unique snowflake doing their best impersonation of Damien from The Omen at the table next to them.

It’s just one more example of how everyone is offended by everything, but the moment someone speaks up about the loutish behavior of one of these chronically offended folks (or their kids), look out. There are far too many people in our society who mistakenly believe the world revolves around them, and when something doesn’t go their way it’s an instant crisis that demands immediate attention.

A perfect example; my wife and I get out together without our kids about as often as Haley’s Comet passes by. When we’re out, we would like to enjoy a quiet adult meal that we can eat with both hands and have time to chew, while actually giving each other our undivided attention and talking about (or trying to talk about) subjects that don’t involve our two boys.  That is, apparently, too much to ask for some people, though, because they would assert that an upscale restaurant is a perfectly normal place take your temperamental 4 year old when he or she feels like having a 45 minute screaming fit. How dare we infringe on someone’s right to infringe on our evening out? How inconsiderate of us to want a little bit of peace and quiet and a short break from our normal responsibilities!

It’s not just restaurants either. I can count multiple times where I have gone to the movies and had someone bring a newborn in to sit in a carrier next to them. It’s almost acceptable if you’re seeing Finding Nemo, but it was a little distracting to have a baby cry through the second half of Django Unchained. I also sat through a live theatre production once with a five year old turned backwards on his chair and staring in my face the entire time while blowing spit bubbles. How charming.

Kids can be awful. You know it and I know it. There is nothing I enjoy more and that I find more rewarding than being a Dad – but sometimes my kids need an exorcism. My wife and I have been brave enough to take them out to places outside of the normal fast food fare,  like Boston Pizza and Montana’s, and we’ve tried to teach them basic table manners and how important it is to be courteous to fellow diners.  We have received compliments on how well behaved and polite they are, but that didn’t stop my three year old from asking a neighboring table if he could have their dessert if they didn’t eat it or my seven year old from lifting his shirt up to his neck at the table to show us a mosquito bite on his nipple.

We all love our kids. The fact of the matter is that not everyone else does. We should have the common sense as adults to realize that there are some places we just shouldn’t take our children, and we shouldn’t guilt trip anyone who reminds us of that fact. Most toddlers don’t belong at a fine dining establishment any more than a 40 year old man belongs at a sweet 16 birthday party.

We, as parents, have made a conscious decision to allow our lives to revolve around these little people, but that doesn’t give us the right to force that on anyone else. We spend so much time teaching our children common courtesy that we sometimes completely forget our own.

The $125,000 Wildcat Question

$125,000

That’s how much Moncton taxpayers paid in order to move a Moncton Wildcats playoff game to Fredericton this past weekend because of a scheduling conflict with the yearly Radical Speed Sport car show at the Moncton Coliseum.  Amazingly, the Speed Sport show has been running for approximately five decades and nobody had the foresight to think that maybe there would be a conflict with Wildcats playoff hockey.

Something is rotten in the city of Moncton, methinks.

Moncton Mayor George LeBlanc stated in an interview that this scheduling debacle is proof positive that the Moncton Coliseum - with its ‘jam packed’ schedule - cannot continue to serve all its clients, and the only way we can solve this problem is to build the oft-discussed new Events Centre (cue harps) downtown .  You know, the one that’s estimated to cost $107 million- paid for with magical funding from our almost broke provincial government!

Yes folks, a city council that recently talked about reducing budgets for municipal services is going to ask a provincial government that angered half its population with recent cuts in their budget for a huge subsidy so we can have a new place for our hockey team to play.

Is this real life?

Am I the only person who sees how insane this is? I will be the first person to say that the Moncton Coliseum isn’t an ideal venue. It’s too hot in the warmer months and the ceiling is too low for some major acts that come through these parts; those are my two major complaints. It does, however, a decent job of hosting the sporadic non-hockey events that are held there and with a few million put toward a new air system and a roofing solution, it’d be a pretty good overall establishment.

It’s like this; I drive a 2007 Hyundai Tucson. It’s a little older, but it’s still in excellent shape. It gets me from point A to point B, and it does an overall good job of it. I occasionally have to put some repairs into it, but it’s a really good, reliable vehicle. Would I love to have a $90,000 Cadillac Escalade with all the bells and whistles? Absolutely, I would – but I simply don’t have the money to do so. Do I go out and borrow a hundred grand from somebody for a new luxury SUV while my wife and I are trying to budget for a much-needed family vacation this summer? No, because I’m not an idiot and I would like to remain happily married.

If you look at the Moncton Coliseum ticketing website, you will see that there is no schedule of events packed to capacity as Mayor LeBlanc would have you believe. You have the Beer Fest, some cheerleading championships, the Speed Sport show, and two concerts by aging bands where tickets are hardly flying off the shelves – and that’s it between now and September! If you can’t schedule events around that smattering of attractions, there’s something seriously wrong.

So, if we’re not using the Coliseum to its full potential, why do we need a new glistening megaplex downtown?  To me that’s the real funny part. There’s all kinds of talk about how this will be a veritable gold mine for the area and a surefire money maker. It will bring all kinds of positive economic spinoff to Moncton and anyone who doesn’t support it is, apparently, crazy.

To that, I have but one question - if it’s a surefire home run, why aren’t successful folks in New Brunswick’s private sector lining up to throw their money at it? I’ll tell you why. It’s because the wealthy don’t get that way by flushing their cash down the toilet. They’re quite calculating and strategic with how they spend their capital and they know a pig in a poke when they see it – and this one reeks of bacon.  Why should they spend their money when we have elected officials lobbying to mitigate the risks of the wealthy and instead go all into risky ventures with public dollars?

It’s all really quite mind-numbing.

The talk of the Events Centre, sadly, has to stop. It’s a pipe dream – at best – in our current financial reality and to use a (highly suspect) scheduling mistake to justify driving a city and province to even deeper levels of debt is preposterous. It’s like something from a bad sitcom.

I’d love to have a new Events Centre; I think we all would.  It would be great to check out some entertainment in a new state-of-the-art facility, but I certainly don’t want my municipal tax dollars or provincial funds that should be going towards stuff like my kids’ education or hospitals being spent on it. The fact that this is even being discussed seriously by our Mayor and council shows an alarming lack of understanding of this city’s priorities and I would sincerely hope that saner heads will prevail.

As much as we want it, we’re not always meant to have that Cadillac in the driveway or Events Centre on Main Street. Sometimes we just have to make do with the 8 year old Hyundai.

Same Old New Brunswick.

The much-awaited New Brunswick Budget came down the pipeline last week. If you ask the current Liberal provincial government, they would tell you that it was a very fair approach to reducing this province’s embarrassing deficit and a step in the right direction toward re-establishing financial stability in a province on the cusp of bankruptcy.

To listen to our government, it’s a road map that should show us that tightening our belts will result in a better life for us all down the road. It’s a budget filled with well thought out decisions and carefully planned cuts that are ensuring that we, as New Brunswickers, are treated fairly across the board and that we’re all expected to contribute equally to getting this province out of its financial quagmire.

Well, except if you’re a child.

Yes, in a province that leads the country in illiteracy rates (at least we’re number one in something), it was deemed necessary to eliminate 249 teaching jobs. Citing declining enrollment in schools - probably because fed-up parents are moving their families out of here – the government explained to us plebes that less students simply equals the need for less teachers. If our education woes could be summed up in a sixth grade math equation, this would be a fine way of looking at things. Sadly, they can’t.

There are far more things to be considered in New Brunswick’s education picture than student/teacher ratios, but the brain trust in Fredericton simply looked at some numbers out of context and slashed one of our most important resources in the fight to improve overall education in this province. Those teachers could be used to assist struggling students in some smaller classes, as well as launching some credible literacy programs that aren’t staffed by largely unqualified volunteers.  We’ll put money into segregating English and French kids on different buses, but we can’t pay teachers to help improve the literacy rates of our children?

I have always largely judged governments on their approach to education and this new Liberal government led by Mr. Brian Gallant has shown me that it couldn’t give a fiddler’s fig about how our kids are being educated now and in the future. It’s an embarrassment.

What’s a little bit of illiteracy among our children when everyone else is treated so fairly in this new budget, right? Oh, sorry – I forgot about those senior citizen folks.  They’re also getting some governmental screws put to them as well.

The previous cap for provincially subsidized nursing home care in this province used to be set at $113 per day. The new budget eliminates that control that was previously in place and more than doubles the maximum to $233 per day – but only towards those who can “afford to pay”. How is that designation arrived at?  Well, any life savings or investments these folks may have had will no longer be considered off limits when calculating an individual’s ability to pay. That meagre inheritance that you may have been saving for your children is now within reach of the government’s clutches and will likely be snapped up to help pay for your required care.

If you managed to stay out of a nursing home, though, don’t think you’ve been forgotten by the folks in Fredericton! There are some nice increases of ‘unspecified amounts’ coming to your Medavie Blue Cross prescription drug plan. If your heart rate increases at this news, you also need to be prepared to pay a previously waived fee of $130 for an ambulance ride to the hospital.

There goes Moncton’s recent ranking as one of the best places to retire in Canada.

Alright, so aside from the kids and the seniors, everyone else is getting a fair shake, right? Perhaps; unless you’re forgetting about those recent post-secondary graduates who were receiving a financial break to stay in New Brunswick after they finished their schooling. That’s being scrapped as well.

There was a $20,000 maximum tuition rebate for graduates who decided to remain in this province after graduation and work in their chosen field. It was a great incentive for young, bright minds not to take their talents westward and stay here to contribute to our economy. Now that the rebate is being scrapped, there isn’t much enticement for these graduates not to ply their trades elsewhere in the country. 

The government felt that the rebate only helped students who were already collecting salaries and did nothing for students trying to enter the workforce in the first place. Well, good news for those new graduates trying to break into the workforce – there will be lots of positions available when people start leaving this province in droves to work elsewhere!

So our kids, our seniors, and new entrants to the skilled workforce have all been hit by this new budget. They left no stone unturned when it came to reaching into our pockets – and just in case we weren’t reeling enough, we got nailed with a new gas tax and people in professions that make between $150,000 and $250,000 a year will see their personal taxes raised by roughly 5%. That should do wonders for the number of doctors and professionals that decide to continue practicing in our province.  Oddly, there were no sweeping changes to big corporate taxation policies.  I’m not surprised.

As a non-native New Brunswicker, these cuts are sheer madness to me. Most people I have talked to, however, have simply resigned themselves to accepting these changes because that’s what the residents of New Brunswick have become used to. You’ve almost come to expect the abuse and the best you can hope for is that it doesn’t leave as big of a bruise when the next blow comes from the people we elected to office.

Masochists:  Be… In This Place.

Soon, they’ll be the only folks able to stand it. 

Shaving - the manly way!

This month marks the anniversary of my grandfather’s passing and I always find myself thinking about him a little more this time of year. One of the most vivid memories I have of him is him standing near the bathroom sink, face covered in a fresh shaving cream lather that he had whipped up in a metal bowl and applied with a brush, and shaving his face with a straight razor with the precision of a master surgeon.  It’s an image that I have long associated with ‘manliness’, and while shaving a couple of weeks back with my canned foam and multi-blade cartridge razor I found myself feeling like I didn’t quite measure up to the standard that he had set for me.

I decided that I wanted to be more like the man I admired so much and I was going to get myself some real shaving gear and learn the art of the razor. I wondered if it was a thing that people even do anymore and if it was, where I would get information on the best products to buy.

Little did I know that there is a renaissance happening that is bringing back the old-school art of wet shaving and good grooming for men. With the number of lumberjack beards, flannel shirts and skinny jeans I see sported on the streets of our city, I was blissfully unaware that there is a sizeable and strong movement to bring back the look and style of the clean cut man to our culture. There are entire websites on the topic of wet shaving for men and there’s even a dedicated group of local gentlemen who are part of this shaving culture that I was completely ignorant to. The problem is that there are very few establishments in the area (that I am aware of) that carry the products needed for a fellow to begin his journey to appropriately sprucing himself up. That’s a bit of a problem.

For example, I immediately wanted to purchase a high quality double edged safety razor and some top of the line razor blades to replace my old Gillette Fusion. There are at least five stores within a stone’s throw of my workplace that specialize in women’s beauty products, but not a single one that carried anything resembling a man’s razor. A search of the entire city and surrounding areas produced the same sort of results. I ended up spending my hard earned money at an online shopping website instead of patronizing a local merchant and, as someone who works in the ever-dwindling retail industry, this caused me great frustration. I’m trying to build a better man here, and nobody will supply me with the tools!

The good news is that I did manage to buy some great shaving creams and aftershaves on my adventures, and got some great words of encouragement from some ladies I dealt with who thought it was refreshing to see a man take ownership of his appearance.  There was a common thread, though, in that most of the ladies I dealt with remarked that it was unusual to see men in shopping for more luxurious personal hygiene products. It was somehow seen as “sissy” by folks who considered themselves to be ‘real men’ and those who would have you believe that they shave with a steak knife and a bar of Irish Spring.  It would seem than in my efforts to get in touch with a more masculine pursuit I could somehow be seen by some as less manly.

It’s no wonder the men’s grooming products are hoarded in the dark corners of these shops like the adult movies at a corner video store.  What self-respecting man would want his beer drinking buddies to see him buying shaving cream formulated with Maca Root, right? Embrace the caveman culture, Malloy!
How discouraging.


I am encouraged somewhat, though, by the appearance of the old-timey barbershops that have been cropping up as of late – opened by enterprising young men who want to make the old new again. Much like the thoughts of my Granddad’s razor conjure up fond images from my past, the sound of hair clippers and smell of talcum powder bring me back to sitting in a real barber’s chair when I was a kid; listening to the older fellows talking about sports and the weather and getting a “real haircut” as Granddad used to say. It’s been years since I’ve been to a ‘real’ barber shop, and I think it’s high time I started going back to one.

Perhaps it will be these shops that lead the charge into getting us men looking more like respectable gentlemen again and less like forest dwelling sasquatches. It could be that they can start carrying the products – razors and such - that slouches like me are looking for in a bid to change the image of the modern Moncton man from scruff to spiffy?  Maybe I just keep giving my money to Amazon.ca and confusing store clerks by asking them for an alum block.

Regardless, the genie has been let out of the bottle and I won’t go back to my slovenly ways – even if it’s much harder than being a slob. Some wise business folks in the area might want to take notice of this underserved market and start bringing in some product for what seems to be a growing customer base.

As your first products, I would recommend something to stop bleeding. This razor stuff is hard.

It's Your Special Day!

Last Tuesday, my six year old son, Ronin, sprung out of bed with an uncharacteristic amount of energy at 6:30 in the morning.

“Come on Quentin! Let’s see if our toilet is green!”

He ran off down the hallway with his three year old brother in tow while my wife and I were left staring at each other with a look that could only be described as pure bewilderment.

“It’s not green! He didn’t visit us”, my son said with pure dejection in his voice.  I asked him who he was talking about and his reply was one that my sleep-deprived brain should have seen coming from a mile away – “the leprechaun! It’s St. Patrick’s Day!”

Good grief.

It would seem that somewhere along the line, my son was told that a leprechaun visits your house the night before St. Patrick’s Day, uses your facilities (hence the green water), causes some mischief, and leaves some treats around the house for your troubles. Being the quick thinking Dad of action that I am, I went downstairs to check my bathroom and found that, indeed, the water in my toilet was green –oddly, almost the same shade of lemon lime Mio water flavoring - and the room had been toilet papered by a mischievous (not so) wee man.  We couldn’t find any chocolate treats strewn about the house, though, but I assured the kids that they would likely be found when we returned home from our respective days outside the home.

These March 17 visits are, apparently, a regular occurrence in many houses every year – with some going as far as building leprechaun traps in the hopes of catching the little tricksters. Kids that have these visits every year, of course, tell my children that they should be expecting the very same thing! Either the leprechaun shows up, or I have a couple of pretty dejected kids. That’s just wonderful.

I have one question I’d like to ask; when did every single day on the calendar get some sort of overblown celebration attached to it? When I was a kid – a full blooded Irish one at that – we celebrated by dressing in green when we went to school. As I got older, we still wore the green but maybe had a shot or two of Jameson Irish Whiskey while singing ‘Danny Boy’ to mark the occasion. This Leprechaun thing is brand new to me and as someone who prides myself on my expertise with children’s tales, this completely blindsided me.

With two young children, my house gets more traffic than Magnetic Hill in the summertime when it comes to visitors. Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy all drop by at different points during the year. I thought that was the standard and more than enough. My kids tell me there’s a boogeyman, but I’ve never seen him – and the Sandman shows up every night, although often much later than I would like. 


Now on top of this leprechaun business, some people tell me there’s a New Year’s Fairy that visits some homes to bring a toy to good girls and boys on the morning of January 1 - after all the loot Santa drops off just a week before.  Are you kidding me?  Then there’s that creepy ‘Elf on the Shelf’ that some people have too, but that thing looks like it should be in a police lineup; not sitting on my mantel.  What’s next – the Black Friday Bear who drops mall gift cards down your chimney?

I get it, folks. People want to celebrate their kids. I do too, and there are special things I do for my boys – like always building a Lego set with my son at the end of the first day of school. The difference is, though, that I don’t tell him that the Lego Elf delivered a new set for us, only to have him start school in September and ask other kids why the Lego Elf didn’t visit their house. 

Do you see where I’m going with this?

We’re creating a world for our kids now where we seem to be trying to make every single holiday, observance or Tuesday ‘ super duper special’.  The word ‘special’, by definition, means something that is better or greater than the norm.  I think we’re getting dangerously close to turning special days into the pedestrian.  At this rate, in order to get our little guys and gals excited about something in the future we’re almost going to have to trot out a pony or a new bike every week because we’re raising the stakes so high.

Am I wrong?  Maybe I’m just an old curmudgeon who is only a few years away from repeating the story my Granddad used to tell of how he was lucky to get “an orange in a sock and one wind-up toy” at Christmas, and how we didn’t know how lucky we were to be getting all the fancy new doodads every year. Perhaps excess is the new norm and I’m losing touch?

I wonder what this will do to our children’s sense of entitlement in the future?

I know one thing – keeping up with the Joneses never used to mean scrambling home before my family at 5 o’clock to make sure the ‘leprechaun’ had dropped off some chocolate gold coins.  At least he left some for me… it wasn’t all bad.

Separating the wheat from the internet chaff

For the uninitiated, the internet is filled with a whole lot of garbage.

Where its great success is that it can offer a voice to anyone on a worldwide platform, it is also its greatest weakness in that any amount of misinformation can be spread so quickly by anyone that it quickly becomes regarded as fact. A perfect example of this phenomenon is former Playboy model Jenny McCarthy and her rabid insistence that vaccinations caused her son’s autism.

McCarthy’s claims spread like wildfire via social media and her story was shared millions upon millions of times – despite its questionable authenticity. Today, we have an epidemic of parents who refuse to vaccinate their children because they think there is a link between vaccines and autism – because a woman whose greatest claim to fame was taking of her clothes in a men’s magazine said so.

Lest you think I’m picking on poor Miss McCarthy, take a look at the popularity of conspiracy theories on the internet about everything under the sun – including the shooting that occurred in this city last summer. The sheer number of people who are trying to qualify every tragedy as a government staged hoax is mind numbing, but their videos and essays garner thousands of hits from like-minded individuals who just continue to spread ignorance. The more hits they get, the higher they’re ranked; sensationalism sells on the World Wide Web!
Since the rise of the internet, everyone is a self-professed expert on something and everyone has a ‘qualified’ opinion on just about everything – whether it’s fracking, GMOs, climate change, religion, nutrition, parenting, or one of a million other topics. The sheer amount of misinformation that gets shared on a daily basis just on my social media feeds alone leaves me dizzy sometimes. Despite all the information in the world at our fingertips, people seem to gravitate to one or two columns on a subject they read off some obscure website and take it as the gospel because it resonates with an opinion they probably already have.

The Google search engine – the most popular in the world – currently ranks its pages by the amount of incoming links that are directed to them. Basically, the more people who are accessing a page (for whatever reason), the more popular it becomes and the higher it appears on a search result. A perfect example is the Jenny McCarthy anti-vaccination situation. Because the story was shared so often through so many channels, the websites that carried McCarthy’s claims became more and more popular and rose up the search engine ranks until they would be among the first results that would appear when someone searched for vaccination information on Google. Even though McCarthy’s claims proved to be false, there is a large anti-vaccination movement now built on a lie because of the belief that “if it’s all over the internet, it must be true”.

Thankfully, this paradigm may be about to change.

A Google research team is experimenting with a model that will rank pages based on the number of verifiable facts they contain as opposed to their popularity. The more false or unverifiable facts a page contains on a subject, the lower its KBT (Knowledge Based Trust) score will be and the lower search ranking it will receive. How will it verify these facts? Through a massive data warehouse known as the Knowledge Vault – which Google has been working on for several years that is akin to the greatest encyclopedia set ever created; but is updated constantly by a computer algorithm that constantly combs the internet for verified and universally agreed upon facts.

We’re talking real Matrix stuff here, folks.

Of course there’s a segment of the population that is upset about this because “the truth is out there, man!’ and they’re convinced that shady forces are trying to keep us in the dark. They’re worried that alternate views will be squashed and everyone will be assimilated into thinking the same way and drinking the New World Order Kool-Aid. That’s the great thing, though – the alternate views won’t be removed from the internet. You can argue facts all you want and publish whatever you wish on the internet, but you’re no longer going to be provided a spotlight at center stage to do it if you’re claims are most likely a load of horse feathers.

In terms of real world application, it’d be like this - you won’t get a podium in front of City Hall anymore for your foolishness. You’ll be relegated to the far end of the parking lot at the Moncton Coliseum at 3 a.m. on a Thursday . If people want to listen to what you have to say, they certainly can go find you. It’s just that fewer people will stumble across your ranting on their way down Main Street to buy a coffee. (Not that everything that comes out of City Hall makes sense, but you get the idea).

With the shape the world is in right now, one of the few things that might get us out of this mess is knowledge. Hard facts that people can agree with and work with together to improve our way of life are exactly what we need – not people wasting their time trying to separate the wheat from the chaff as far as what is sound information, especially when undisputable facts on many topics are already out there.

The internet can be used for more than pictures of cats and posting what you had for breakfast on Facebook. Knowledge is power and it’s high time we started harnessing the knowledge of the internet for everything it’s worth. Kudos to Google for taking that first step.

Boys go to Mars to get more bars...

You may have read an interesting story making the rounds last week about a local man who made it all the way to the final 660 candidates of a purported 200,000 applicants for a one way trip to Mars.

Yes, you read that correctly. They want to send some people to Mars – the planet – with the intention of never bringing them back.

The Mars One mission is the brainchild of Dutch entrepreneur Bas Lansdorp, who came forth with his plan in May of 2012. With a bold mission statement and the hopes of thousands of dreamers behind him, Mr. Lansdorp stated confidently that his goal was to send a group of four people (eventually 24) to Mars in order to colonize the planet by the year 2025.

He claimed that we will all eventually need somewhere to live once we destroy Earth, and he wanted to be the man that made this happen. The problem was that he had no real money to speak of, and he hoped to raise the necessary $6 billion through public donations and corporate sponsorships.

He also announced that he was turning the entire thing into a television reality show.

If your spider sense isn’t tingling right now, it should be – because there’s no possible way this could happen.

In the history of space travel, there have been over 40 unmanned trips to the red planet; half of those trips failed. Those trips had no passengers because the fact of the matter is that Mars is uninhabitable for humans. It has no atmosphere to speak of and is belted constantly by toxic radiation and dust storms that completely block out the sun for months at a time. According to research, the planet is completely barren of any sort of vegetation and is one huge landscape of mountain peaks, ice caps and deserts. Oh, I also need to mention Mars’ normal temperature. It’s a balmy minus 62 degrees Celsius – and you thought Moncton in February was bad.

Finally, and possibly the most damning piece of evidence, is the fact that sending a group of amateur astronauts to Mars for a price tag of $6 billion is ludicrous. That’s hundreds of billions of dollars less than any manned Mars mission ever proposed by NASA – you know, those guys who actually have a history of shooting people into space and not just some internet shyster looking to make his version of Survivor in space. One of my personal heroes, Commander Chris Hadfield, put his opinion into the mix when he was asked how Mars One could be doing this while admitting they haven’t even constructed a ship for the voyage yet. His response was clear and concise:

"If there are no specifications for the craft that will carry the crew, if you don’t know the very dimensions of the capsule they will be traveling in, you can’t begin to select the people who will be living and working inside of it… This is one of many fatal flaws in this entire endeavor."

If you’re not going to take the word of Commander Hadfield, the common sense train has left the station.

So why is this ruse continuing? Sadly, the response is two-fold. The first part of the response is that people will never stop dreaming. People always want to grasp what it just beyond their reach and if it weren’t for the dreamers of the world, we’d be lacking in many of the innovations and much of the progress we enjoy today. Dreamers are great and society needs them to function.

The second part, unfortunately, is that where you have dreamers you also have snake oil salesmen looking to capitalize on them. As of this writing, the Mars One debacle has only raised $760,000 of their $6 billion goal – with over $85,000 of that coming from Canada. Much of that money raised is from the ‘application fee’ (US $75) that everyone interested in taking the suicide mission to the stars had to pay up front to even be considered for the trip. Even though Mars One claims they are a not-for-profit entity, you can bet your bottom dollar that Mr. Lansdorp and his cronies are giving themselves a nice little salary for all their ‘research and development’.

This piece is just the tip of the iceberg, though. If you want an iron-clad thesis as to how and why this endeavor will never work, I encourage you to Google the piece ‘All Dressed Up For Mars with Nowhere to Go’ by Mr. Elmo Keep. It’s a fascinating (albeit lengthy) piece of writing debunking almost every aspect of this publicity stunt and is, unquestionably, the best article of dozens I have read on the subject.

To borrow from David Bowie, the world needs ‘Major Tom’ people; always curious about what lies just outside our stratosphere. The world also needs Ground Control, to bring Major Tom back to Earth; lest he be left floating helplessly in space in his tin can.

What the world doesn’t need is conmen like Bas Lansdorp.

It's A Long Way To The Top... of Magnetic Hill.

The poet John Lydgate and former president Abraham Lincoln both said, “You can’t please all of the people all of the time”.

After this past week, I think both men must have spent some time in Moncton.

In case you missed it this past Wednesday, what could be deemed as a surprise announcement was made in regard to the Magnetic Hill concert site. Many had thought ‘The Hill’ had seen its last kick at the can as far as an entertainment venue goes, including me. Just when we all thought the curtain had come down it was announced that one of the world’s most popular rock bands, AC/DC, is returning to Magnetic Hill on September 5th to dish out their iconic brand of rock and roll to a capacity crowd that will be seeing them for the final time ever on their last world tour.

This is a great news story for the city that has fallen off the radar in recent years when it comes to putting on large scale music spectacles – something we were once renowned for. Over the last few summers, people have talked about large drawing festivals in Quebec and Cavendish, P.E.I. – and even Cape Breton Island hosted their own successful event last year with Aerosmith. We didn’t even hold the title of also-ran, because we stopped running a few years ago it appeared.

When the announcement was made, social media lit up with hundreds of excited tweets and status updates (mine included) and there was electricity in the city in many circles that has been absent for far too long. Like clockwork, though, The Debbie and Dougie Downers had to make their presence known about what they saw to be the biggest travesty in our area’s history.

“AC/DC again? Who wants to see a bunch of old men that have already been here?”
“The ticket prices are ridiculous! I’d rather go to (insert local tavern) to listen to (insert local band)!”
“The city can’t afford this! How much money are we spending on this garbage?”
“Why can’t they bring (insert niche musical act here)? They would draw huge numbers!”

I’m a huge AC/DC fan and have been my entire life. The very first album I owned was ‘Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap’ and I was one of the first people to buy a ticket the first time they hit town back in 2009. I will be front and center again this year and there’s nothing that’s going to rain on my parade when I get to see my favorite band on the planet again. To summarize, I’m pretty freakin’ happy.

The fact of the matter is, though, that I would also be as happy if it were Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga – and I can’t stand those human muppets. I’d be happy because it would – as AC/DC certainly will – bring some much needed tourist dollars into our city and some new feet on the ground taking in the sights and sounds of Moncton. Grumble all you want about “no real way to measure it” when it comes to economic spinoff, but I took an informal poll and it looks like three quarters of Cape Breton Island will be packing up their cars and heading to the Hub City on Labour Day weekend. Half of those people, I believe, expect to be camping on my lawn. Each of those people are going to come with a pocket full of money and they have full intent on spending it while they’re here. Could you tell me how all those people, plus thousands more doing the same thing from all over the Maritimes is a terrible thing again? Last time they were here, AC/DC helped inject an estimated $10 million in revenue into the area. That’s no chump change by any measure, folks. It’s going to happen again.

Just a few months back people were complaining about the Magnetic Hill site not being used for anything – myself included. Now people are complaining that it’s being used for something they don’t necessarily care for. That, folks, is a textbook definition of ‘impossible to please’. I didn’t complain when they brought Nickelback – and they’re terrible. I was happy for the folks who got to enjoy a show in our city and even happier for the local merchants who profited from the sudden influx of people to the area. Right now we should be ecstatic and doing everything we can to make our city even more appealing and making the event as big of a success as one could imagine.

It’s great to have a massive scale show back in the city that has been absent from the concert scene for far too long. Maybe we can shake off the perception that this is the city that music forgot and fill the Hill with 90,000 rock and roll fans on September 5.

To the parties who got this rock and roll train moving again, from those of us about to rock (in seven months) we salute you.

Au revoir, Moncton?

I’m university educated, with two degrees – one in Business Administration with a major in marketing and a minor in advertising.  I have almost two decades of diversified management experience under my belt with letters of recommendation from several prominent industry leaders. My wife is a Human Resources professional with a university degree, a fistful of diverse certifications, and over two decades of experience in the workforce in areas ranging from mediation and arbitration to recruitment and labor force relations.

We have lived in Moncton for over ten years now and have contributed to the economy of the city and the province through our tax dollars. We have also contributed to the community through volunteer and charity work, and would like to think we’ve established a reputation as good citizens, neighbors, and solid people overall who do our fair share to ensure the ongoing success and prosperity of the place where we live.

So, why is it that we have started planning for an exit strategy from the city and province we have grown to call our own in the event that one of us loses our job?  It’s quite simple; we’re skeptical that we would be able to find comparable work in the area anymore because of one simple fact; neither of us is fluent in French.

Now settle down. This isn’t an attempt to rabble rouse or generate ill will. This is someone who made a conscious choice to move here trying to explain to you why I am having a hard time envisioning a future in this place I call my home.

Let me make it clear – I am all for bilingualism. I am all for a culture where people, regardless of the language they speak, should able to receive a service with dignity and in their preferred language – especially crucial services like health care and government offerings.  I support all establishments having some staff that can speak both languages in an effort to make sure everyone gets a fair shake. Heck, I’m envious of my friends who can seamlessly flip from one language to another while I can only stand back and catch every third or fourth word with my limited French knowledge garnered through French telecasts of Montreal Expos games and 11^th grade instruction of the language.

What I don’t support, however, is being made to feel like that I’m not welcome if I don’t parlez en Francais.  I was recently asked if I speak French by a prospective client at work.  When I politely answered that I did not and promptly handed them over to one of my bilingual staff members, they proceeded to carry on the entire conversation in perfect English. As they left my store, they remarked that I shouldn’t hold a position of management if I can’t speak French.  I wish that I could say that this was an isolated incident, but it isn’t.

Can you see how a fellow might feel unwelcome?

I would love to be able to speak a second language. With my nearly 40 year old brain, though, and ever-increasing demands on my time from work and family I wouldn’t say it’s an impossible feat – but it’s pretty darned close. I barely sleep four hours a night as it is – I simply have no more time. In a pinch, I can break out my high school ‘caveman French’ as I like to call it - “Je m’appelle Steve et je suis un garcon” – but I assure you, nobody really wants that. I also know all the lyrics to Mitsou’s 1980’s hit ‘Bye Bye, Mon Cowboy’, but that’s not going to help much either.

I’m just a guy who is trying to earn a living in this beautiful province, and it seems like there’s a bunch of politics and ugly feelings between the Anglophone and Francophone populations threatening to get in the way of that. I wrote about this same subject a couple of years back, but I was a little more diplomatic. Now I’m coming flat out and saying that I feel like there’s a segment of the population that really doesn’t want me or my family– or people like us – around.

It feels terrible.

I would love nothing more than to work and live here until my nine to five days are done.  I would love to retire to a cottage close to the amazing Bouctouche Dunes when my wife and I are old and grey and eat nothing but Acadien chicken fricot for the rest of my life (that stuff is delicious).  The fact is, though, that I won’t stay where there may be no opportunity to provide a good life for my family because of something as superficial as the language I speak.  I have well-educated and experienced Anglophone friends here who can’t find a job making more than minimum wage because they don’t speak two languages.

I won’t allow myself to be put in that position.

French, English, I don’t care what you are. I just want to share this awesome place with you all. It’s been really hard lately, though, and I have some tough decisions to make for myself and the people I care about.

J’adore Nouveau-Brunswick, mais j’adore ma famille en plus. 

The White Walkers Are Coming.

In case you didn’t notice, we got an awful lot of snow over the last week.

You know it’s a serious bit of business when Codiac Transit pulled their bus fleet off the road and Champlain Place decided it was going to shutter up its storefronts before business even got started for the day last Tuesday. The ‘storm of the century’ was a pretty wild and wooly affair and to quote Yukon Cornelius from that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Christmas Special, “It (wasn’t) a fit night out for man or beast!” RCMP urged people to stay off the roads and avoid traveling unless it was completely necessary, so it would have been a perfect time to stay home and enjoy the snow day.

Perfect indeed, unless you’re an employee of an establishment that doesn’t close or someone who thinks it’s necessary to patronize those establishments – regardless of the risk of harm to yourself or the poor folks that are forced to report into work.

We’re not talking life or death situations here, folks. We’re talking people who ‘need’ to be out on the roads to grab a coffee fix, catch the latest Brad Pitt movie, or grab a burger and fries at a local drive-thru.  People who would love nothing more than to be safe at home with their loved ones have to brave the horrible weather to get to destinations that logic would dictate shouldn’t be open in the first place.

Why is this situation the case? It appears it’s because your convenience or need to be entertained is more important than their safety.

What is it that makes people leave the warm confines of their own homes to putter along the snow covered streets of our city when they have absolutely no reason to be out and about? People like hospital staff would probably sacrifice a limb some days to sit at home with their families while a blizzard howls outside their window.  Not the snow nomads, though!  They’re out driving merrily down to the corner store to grab a bag of Doritos or asking some high schooler at the fast food place “enough snow for ya yet?” as though it’s an infinitely clever question that the kid hasn’t heard a dozen times already that day.

Believe me, the people at the businesses that stay open all smile and nod at you when you go and see them in those zero visibility conditions, but the moment you leave they’re all wondering what kind of disorder you suffer from that would compel you to leave your driveway in a blinding snowstorm for something so trivial. I can say this with great certainty because I used to run one of the city’s movie theatres and I would always be floored to see families unloading the minivan – including toddler aged children - in our empty parking lot when we couldn’t even see as far as the bank a few hundred feet away because of the blizzard outside.

“Oh, we just wanted to get out of the house”, they would say. “There’s nothing exciting going on at home!”  You know where there is exciting stuff going on? The emergency room; which is likely filled with people who wrecked their cars because they were out driving in conditions they shouldn’t be.

Here’s a little tip for all you snow nomads: stay home.  When you know a big dump of the white stuff is coming, prepare ahead of time. Get your snacks, pick up a couple of movies, invest in a board game or two, and just plan to spend the day relaxing at home. Your insistence on leaving your home is making businesses force their workers out on treacherous streets to staff their establishments; just in case you wander in on one of your adventures. It’s forcing workers to find child care for their kids because there is no school, instead of spending what is probably some much needed quality time at home with the little guys and gals. The more traffic that’s on the roads, the harder it is for plows to do the job of keeping the streets clean. Emergency responders are busier, accidents are more frequent, and a city that’s not known for having the greatest drivers to begin with suddenly starts to look like a demolition derby.  Are you beginning to see what I’m getting at here?

I understand it’s impossible for everything to shut down because of a foot of snow. There are always services that we’ll need, regardless of how much of the white stuff is falling from the sky and piling up on the ground – and the people who provide those services are infinitely appreciated by everyone.  I guess what I’m saying though is I wish more people would try to take advantage of the few snow days we get every year. 

In a world where we’re always on the go, we should take every chance we can to stop for just a few minutes – and try to make sure that as many other people get the opportunity to do so as well.

Crime doesn't pay - but justice sure does.

If you were to listen to New Brunswick Provincial Justice Minister, Stephen Horsman, one would be led to believe that there is some disorder in our courts – specifically regarding the amount of money provincial court judges are making.  A provincial court judge in New Brunswick currently makes a salary of $204,000 a year – certainly nothing to sneeze at – but it is the lowest pay for the position in the country. For sake of comparison, their colleagues in Ontario are making a whopping $280,000 a year; only $20,000 less than a Federal court judge hauls in.

Our New Brunswick magistrates are having a hard time keeping up with the Ontario Joneses with the pennies we’re paying them, it would appear. I could only hope that someone would pass the collection plate for these poor, unfortunate souls who are being forced to live on such a meager sum of money. That extra $80,000 a year would mean so much to these folks who are just scraping by in these rough times. I feel like we should start some sort of telethon, at the very least.

Have no fear, downtrodden residents of New Brunswick, Mr. Horsman has a plan! The Honorable Minister has recommended that the province increase the salaries of the 33 Provincial court judges by a whopping $36,000 to $43,000 a year – and guess where that money is going to come from! The public coffers funded by Mr. John and Jane New Brunswick, of course – who will throw all cares to the wind to ensure that our judges have the finest robes and gavels in the land.

As media personality Dennis Miller used to say, “I don’t want to go off on a rant here”, but I feel one coming on.

In a province that is absolutely swimming in debt, to the extent that the government is proclaiming that anywhere from $400 million to $600 million in cutbacks need to be made, why are any of our elected officials even entertaining the idea of paying out an additional $1.4 million a year on judge’s salaries?  There is no word to be used for this other than obscene.  The median household income in this province sits at a paltry $66,000 and we’re looking at giving some folks in politically appointed positions almost two thirds of that amount as a raise to their already generous salary. That is madness, folks.

These bureaucrats are the same bunch who want to go scorched earth when there are talks of wage increases for police, teachers or healthcare workers of one or two per cent. They’re the same group that is cutting funding to our schools and hospitals, and proclaiming that in order to solve this province’s deficit crisis we need to have an “all hands on deck” mentality – when what they really mean is all their hands in our pockets.

In New Brunswick where the minimum wage is a slight $10.30 an hour, an employee working 40 hours a week would gross less than $22,000 a year – about half of this proposed increase for our gavel banging friends behind the bench.  That minimum wage rate just increased, by the way, and one would think it was going to lead to total economic apocalypse the way hands were being publicly wrung about it.


What I want to know is what happened to all this fiscal restraint our new Premier, Brian Gallant was talking about right before the last election? What about the promises of no more waste? Oh, there are restraints alright, the figurative ones that will be used to hold us peons down while we bear the brunt of all these forthcoming governmental economic slashes and cutbacks.  The rich keep getting richer and the poor… well, we just keep taking it.

This province is broke, folks – on the verge of real bankruptcy, even. The mere thought of such an exorbitant increase to these judges’ salaries shouldn’t even be entertained, let alone carried out. I have seen some pretty outrageous acts by government in my lifetime, but this one may very well take the oft-referenced cake.

In one of my favorite movies of all time, 1976’s ‘Network’, the character Howard Beale makes an impassioned plea to viewers of his news program:

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job… We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be."

He then continues with his suggestion to start turning the tide:

"All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING… My life has VALUE!’  I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!”

That’s how I feel right now, and this is how all residents of New Brunswick should feel.

The problem is that we’d likely end up in front of a judge if we took Howard’s advice.

How ironic.

Je Suis Charlie

I originally planned on writing this week’s column about a New Brunswick satire site that many folks are mistaking for real news through the site’s prolific posts on social media. Although this would be a fun piece to discuss the merits of headlines such as “New dating app matches unemployed NBers with wealthy Albertans”, the subject of satire I planned on discussing took an unexpectedly dark turn.

Last week, French satire magazine ‘Charlie Hebdo’ had its Paris offices stormed by masked gunmen who opened fire on the staff. As of this writing, twelve members of the staff were pronounced dead and the apparent cause of the shooting is that the magazine posted a cartoon of the Islamic prophet Muhammad that Islamic fundamentalists found offensive. This isn’t the first time that ‘Charlie Hebdo’ has come under fire, either.  Back in 2011, their offices were firebombed when they published an issue with another cartoon of the prophet Muhammad, and listed him as a guest editor-in-chief.

Reactions to the attack have been those of outrage, as one would expect, and large demonstrations erupted all over the country in support of the publication and its slain workers. What concerns me, though, is the number of people who have stated that the publication was “playing with fire” and never should have published the cartoons to begin with.

These are very dangerous times we’re living in, folks.  I talked about it a couple of weeks ago when Sony Pictures pulled the movie ‘The Interview’ from theatres under a threat from entities thought to be associated with North Korea. Threats were made to people’s lives because of a stupid stoner comedy, and here we have a dozen people dead because of a newspaper cartoon. The very fabric of our right to free speech is being threatened by those who don’t like what we have to say, and it’s scary to see how many people are willing to acquiesce to the demands of others who believe their right to be offended trumps our right to freedom of expression.

It’s time to be concerned.

As someone who shares my opinions in this publication on a weekly basis, I should feel somewhat secure in my ability to speak my mind on any topic I choose. Although I continue to speak openly and honestly, there’s always a niggling voice at the back of my head that always asks if I should be censoring myself from time to time – and what I say isn’t even that controversial most weeks. What if I do say something that offends someone? Do we live in a culture now where someone could perpetrate or threaten an act of violence against me and there would be a segment of the population who would think that I “got what was coming to me” because I touched on a taboo topic? Could my views subject my loved ones to harm because someone disagrees with them so vehemently? I’m not sure of the answer to that question anymore.

We should be at the height of civilization right now, but we’re not.  We’re a society of weak and scared people who have forgotten how to stand up for our rights and freedoms. We are a population of the willingly oppressed and politically ignorant who sit back and allow our way of life to be stripped away from us in the name of political correctness and an overwhelming hesitation to rock the boat of status quo.  In a world where satire is needed simply to cope with the overwhelming amount of garbage that’s pushed down on us from above, a dozen people responsible for shining a harsh light on the sacred cows and the ridiculous conventions of our social order are dead – and some people think it’s okay because they “pushed the wrong buttons” with some people.

That’s all kinds of messed up.

In a culture where we’re constantly bombarded with media that tells us how we should live every aspect of our daily lives, I refuse to be told what I can think and what I can say because of the possibility of offending someone.  Knowing that there are people condemning the Charlie Hebdo attack on one side of their face while insinuating that it may have been deserved on the other side sickens me, and I am ashamed to share this planet with them.

The Charlie Hebdo massacre should serve as a wakeup call to people about the importance of speaking loud and speaking often about issues that are important to them. This tragedy should increase satire by one hundred fold toward the elements of our society that are wrongly viewed as ‘off-limits’ to show that we will not be threatened by those who do not agree with what we say.  We should savor now, more than ever, our inalienable right to speak our minds no matter the topic, and know that we will be safe in doing so.

As I type this, I find out that news sources all over the world are pixelating the cartoons out when reporting on the massacre to avoid further upset.

That sound you hear is our collective spine withering away. 

It's not just the 'Mom and Pop' that's disappearing.

If you were one of the unfortunate souls who spent any amount of time out Christmas shopping these last few weeks, you would think that Canada’s brick and mortar retail business was booming. Elbow to elbow shoppers at local shopping meccas and seemingly endless sales would lead one to believe that everything is hunky dory in the land of your neighborhood merchants.
That’s not quite the case.

Aside from the Black Friday and Boxing Day madness that has happened the last few years, the reality of the current retail situation in Canada is that a large number of businesses are hurting, and we’re seeing the way in which Canadians spend their money changing right before our eyes.

Working as a sales manager of a retail establishment, I have begun to see firsthand how many people have begun to move away from actually leaving their homes to do their shopping. With many purchases only a click of a mouse away online, what incentive do most shoppers have to leave the comfort of their couch anymore? 

If you need evidence of how poorly some sections of the retail sector are doing in this country right now, look no further than Target Canada. It was just over a year ago that the US giant made its way north with the promise of great products at low prices – with serious talk being thrown around that they would unseat the king of the retail mountain, Wal-Mart in no time. After losing an estimated $1.5 billion since they opened their first store in this country, their plans for northern domination have turned into a great white gaffe.

Sears Canada, a staple of this country for longer than any of us have been around, is bleeding money right now with layoffs in the thousands and store closures seemingly every time you turn around. The Chicago based headquarters for Sears has seriously considered selling off the Canadian retailer to interested parties, but there are none. Save that yearly Christmas Wish Book because it may soon be a collector’s item.

Best Buy Canada, Reitman’s, Chapters and many more businesses are on the list of other Canadian retailers that are in danger as 2015 begins. These are stores that have been part of the retail landscape of this country for longer than I can remember, but dwindling sales are leading to more and more speculation about their futures. Is the abandoned mall that is cropping up with increasing frequency all over the United States destined to creep north into Canada? It seems like it very well may be.

So why is this happening? Surely lower prices and convenience are factors, but I don’t think they’re the biggest ones. I think a big part of the problem is that many organizations need to start focusing on the skill of customer service again because it is truly a dying art with many companies. I can count the number of times I have had exceptional service from a retailer on one hand in the last year, and I don’t hold out a lot of hope for 2015. Mediocrity has almost become exceptional in today’s marketplace because bad service is so commonplace. ?

I come from an old school mentality of a consumer who would gladly pay a few dollars more for an item in a brick and mortar store if it’s backed by top notch customer service delivered by an expert selling me the product.  Is it any wonder, though, that many people would prefer to shop online rather than deal with disinterested employees who often times know nothing about the products they expect you to buy from them?

A perfect example of this is the fact that I ended up ordering my wife’s Christmas gift online this year after three local merchants that sold the product (that I knew nothing about)  all gave me a response along the lines of “I haven’t the slightest clue” when I asked them to guide me in a purchasing decision. Their suggestion was that I do my research online. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy of extinction!

I, for one, don’t want a future where I can’t go into a store and hold a product in my hands before spending my hard earned money on it. By the same token, I’d like to know that I’m valued as a customer when I do purchase something from you. It’s not rocket science, but I’m amazed by how many companies just don’t seem to get it.

Maybe the change is inevitable. Perhaps we’re destined to move toward a predominately online marketplace where the human element is all but eliminated and people become even less social than we are now. There’s the distinct possibility that I’m just an old fogey who is digging my heels into the ground as I fight against a tide that is sweeping in with or without me.

Either way, you have to wonder where people are going to get the money to patronize these online monolithic companies when, faster that you can double click, we’re eliminating the jobs of the people who used to sell us these things.

Put that in your cart and ponder it.